Out of the Ordinary
by BubblyShell22
Summary: The Turtles are acting strangely, and it's time for an intervention. A humorous fic poking fun at some of the known stereotypes within the fan fic world.
1. Chapter 1

Out of the Ordinary

Chapter 1: Leonardo the Ninja-holic

A/N: I know I probably shouldn't start another story, but the temptation is just too much. I thought I'd try my hand at a more humorous fic to spoof some of the known stereotypes seen in the TMNT fan fiction world. Yes, the Turtles and the other characters will definitely be OOC, but keep in mind that this is a parody fic. They're supposed to be that way for good reason. I really hope you enjoy my attempts at humor. I know I'm going to have a lot of fun writing this. And now, let's move on to the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT or any characters associated with them. They are owned by Nickelodeon.

Summary: The Turtles aren't acting normal, and it's time for an intervention.

Hamato Leonardo was in the dojo working on some complicated katas. Now, many people know that Leo is dedicated to ninjitsu, but what they may not know is that it is more than just dedication for the blue-clad Turtle. It is an addiction for him, and an addiction that his family has been worried about.

Raphael came into the dojo. "Hey, Fearless, lunch is ready," he said. "Aren't you gonna join us?"

"No, Raph, I can't," Leo replied. "I have to keep on training to protect this family."

"Leo, you've been in here for four hours," Raph pointed out. "Can't you just give it a rest?"

Leo rounded on his brother. "You don't understand!" he cried passionately. "Master Splinter trained me to be a leader for all of you. That means that I have to train obsessively and ignore all meals and other things. I can only train, and I am even forbidden from sleeping at night. This is all I can do. Now, go away. You're cutting into my precious training time."

Raph left the dojo and tried to get Don and Mikey to coax Leo out of the dojo. Both brothers agreed only if Raph would give them twenty bucks. Grudgingly, the red-clad Turtle agreed, so the two brothers tried to urge Leo to come out of the dojo.

"Go away, you two," he ordered them. "I can't stop training now."

"But, Leo, I made spaghetti," Mikey pleaded, tears filling his innocent blue eyes. "You always eat my spaghetti."

With a growl, Leo launched a katana towards Mikey, narrowly missing him. Tears filled Mikey's blue eyes and he immediately ran up to his room and cried about how no one understood him. Don decided to go and work in his lab obsessively since he had nothing else better to do. Raph vented his anger on the punching bag because it was the best outlet he had. And Splinter was in his room, though no one really knew what he was doing.

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Soon, Leo's training became too much for the Hamato family. Splinter came into the dojo to talk to his oldest son about his obsessive addiction.

"Leonardo, it has come to my attention that you have been training obsessively," he began. "While I commend you for your dedication, I feel that there are more lessons to be learned. Please come into the living room."

Leo bowed and obeyed his father because he was the one who always wanted to please Splinter the most. Once there, he noticed that his brothers and some of their friends were sitting there. What was going on?

"Leonardo, we feel it is time for you to have an intervention," Splinter told him.

Leo looked shocked. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Leo, we're giving you an intervention," Mikey said. "I got the idea off that show from A&E. We even tried to get the guys from that show to come out, but they said there was no way in hell they were doing an intervention in a sewer."

"Leo, we're really worried about you," April began. "You train so much, and you don't have time for anything else."

"I can't do anything else," Leo replied. "Master Splinter said I was forbidden from doing anything other than training."

Splinter was a bit shocked. "Leonardo, I said no such thing," he protested. "I have never told you that you cannot do anything else other than train. Where would you get such an idea?"

"You said it!" Leo insisted. "You said I should dedicate my life to ninjitsu because I'm the leader!"

"Yes, but I did not say that you should skip meals or sleep," Splinter replied. "I believe you have misunderstood my meaning, my son."

Leo shook his head vehemently. There was no way he'd misunderstood Splinter. "No, I know what you said," he continued to insist. "I never get anything wrong. I'm the perfect son. I can't make mistakes."

"We all make mistakes, Leo," Don pointed out. "It's a natural thing."

"No, I can't make mistakes," Leo told them. "I'm perfect. I can do no wrong."

Raph sighed in exasperation. "What the shell is up with this?" he groaned. "Can we get on with the intervention?"

"Yes, I believe we should," Splinter answered.

Suddenly, a portal appeared, and Miyamoto Usagi stepped out. He looked around at everyone and then spotted Leonardo. "It is nice to see you again, Leonardo-san," he said.

Leo's face lit up. Yes! This was working out better than he hoped. Usagi would get them to see sense. After all, he understood Leo better than any of his family or friends. "I'm glad you came, Usagi," he said. "Maybe you can tell my family that my obsessive training is a good thing and will benefit them in the long run."

Usagi smiled at his friend. "That is not why I am here, Leonardo-san," he said. "I am here to take you to a rehabilitation clinic in my world. You see, I, too, was a lot like you. I was obsessed with being a perfect samurai and pleasing my sensei. However, my friends became worried for me and sent me to this clinic. I assure you, it will help you to balance your life so that ninjitsu does not become all that you think about."

Leo was shocked that Usagi wasn't going to back him up on this. But before he could protest, his friends and family read passages to him about why they were so concerned for him. The passages touched Leo's heart, and he realized that maybe ninjitsu wasn't all he could do for his life. He agreed to go to the clinic and seek help, which pleased his family.

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Over the next few months, things changed for Leonardo. He no longer obsessed over training and even learned how to knit so that he could still be seen doing something. He was still dedicated to ninjitsu, but he learned to spend time with his family and even eat and sleep more. He became much happier and no longer shut his family out. They were grateful for Leo's recovery, and Leo had immense gratitude for Usagi for helping him out. He continued to stay in contact with his samurai friend whenever he felt that he was going to relapse. Usagi was very helpful and helped Leonardo to realize what his real problem was. Leo was a changed Turtle, and he vowed that he would stay that way no matter what.

A/N: So, that's the end of the first chapter. I swear, I couldn't stop laughing as I wrote this. Feel free to leave a review and let me know what you think. Have a shelltastic day. Next, we'll tackle Raphael and his psychopathic tendencies.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Raphael the Psychopath

A/N: And I'm back with another chapter. This time we'll be exploring Raphael's psychopathic tendencies and what his intervention is like. I don't believe that Raph is really a psychopath, but there are some writers who seem to think in that direction. So, here we go. I hope you guys enjoy it. Thanks a million to those who have read and reviewed this story so far. Your support means a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT, though that's probably a good thing. They're owned by Nickelodeon. I do own this plot though.

Raphael woke up feeling really angry. Then again, Raph was always angry. It was just the way he was every day. He got out of his hammock bed and opened the door. He could hear his other brothers waking up as well, ready to start a new day. As he exited his room, he saw Michelangelo coming out of his own room. Mikey had a dumb smile on his face like always. It really ticked Raph off to see it. Then again, Mikey was nothing more than an annoying idiot in Raph's eyes.

"Good morning, Raph," Mikey said, giving his angry brother a cheerful smile.

"Shut up, you pathetic idiot!" Raph roared. Then he punched Mikey in the face and began beating up on him for absolutely no reason. It felt good to abuse his brother in this way, and he would have continued on in this manner if Leonardo hadn't stopped by and witnessed Raph's antics.

"Raph, let Mikey go!" Leo ordered in his best Leader voice.

Raph stopped punching Mikey and glared at his older brother. It was no secret that Raph hated Leo more than anything. Leo just got on his nerves even more than Mikey did, and that was saying something as Mikey was super annoying every day from his surfer voice to his idiotic grin.

"Leo, stay out of this," Raph replied.

"No, Raph, you have no business beating up on Mikey like that," Leo said. Meanwhile, Mikey was still on the floor sobbing about how Raph didn't understand him and how he was going to kill himself because of it.

"Oh, shut up, Leo!" Raph snarled. "I hate your guts, you know that? You just act like you're so superior to me. I should be the leader, not you!" And with that, he stabbed Leo with his sais right in the abdomen. Then he stormed downstairs where Don was in his lab tinkering away at something.

"Hey, Raph, what's all the yelling about?" the purple-clad Turtle asked him.

"None of your business, you dumb geek," Raph replied. He stormed past Donnie and made to go outside but was intercepted by Master Splinter.

"Raphael, what is the meaning of this?" his father asked him.

"Go away, old man," Raph answered. "You suck as a teacher. I should be the teacher because I'm better at ninjitsu than you or Leo." Then he punched his own father in the face and left the Lair.

It was dark in New York City because everyone knows the Turtles operate on a nocturnal schedule like vampires. Raph loved being topside. It was just so glorious and wonderful. He decided to see a movie since there wasn't anything else to do, but then he saw that none of the movies playing really sounded good, so he decided to go to a bar instead.

Just as he was waiting to cross the street, he saw a young woman with a baby in a stroller. The baby wouldn't stop crying, and it was irritating Raph to no end. "Lady, can't you shut your kid up?" he asked her.

"No, I don't know what's wrong with him," she replied.

With a cry of rage, Raph stabbed the baby with his sai and left the woman screaming about a psycho baby killer. Then he went to the bar and began drinking himself into a stupor. He got into three bar fights and won two of them. After he was done, he went out into an alley and saw a woman getting ganged up on by some guys. He took out the guys and then beat up the woman for being such a coward and having him do all the work. He decided to go home because he didn't feel like being out anymore.

When he arrived home, his family was waiting for him as well as April and Casey. He was a bit surprised to see them and wondered what this was all about.

"Raphael, I am glad you are home," Splinter began. "We have gathered here because we are concerned about your behavior."

"My behavior?" Raph repeated. "What's that got to do with anything?"

"We're concerned for you, Raph," Leo replied. "This isn't like you at all. You beat up on Mikey, and he almost killed himself. You stabbed me for no reason at all, and I almost bled to death. You called Donnie a geek, and he stopped inventing things. Heck, you even punched Master Splinter in the face, and now he thinks he's failed as a parent. Something's going on with you, and we want to know what it is."

"Nothin's goin' on with me, Leo," Raph replied. "So butt out." He tried to punch Leo but missed and ended up falling flat on his face.

"See? There's something wrong with you," Leo responded.

Raph answered with a snore as he was passed out from drinking so much.

"I'll take care of this, Leo," Casey said. He carried Raph upstairs and laid him in his hammock. "I think I know what's goin' on," he said. "Raph's not actin' like himself. Maybe if he sleeps it off, he'll be better."

So they let Raph sleep it off and waited until morning, hoping that Raph wouldn't act like that again.

As it turned out, Raph was fine the next morning. Casey talked to him and told him that anger wasn't the answer. Raph didn't remember what happened, but he made sure to channel his anger into other things. He took up boxing and even fought in an underground league thanks to Casey. It wasn't much, but for Raph it really helped him get rid of the anger that was clouding his judgment. He apologized to his brothers and never acted that way again. He even gave his father a card that said, "Sorry I hit you. I love you, Dad." Splinter was touched, and as a reward, made Raph the temporary leader for the day. Leo was happy about this and allowed it to happen since Raph deserved it. Of course, Raph wasn't like Leo, but he did a pretty passable job anyway. Then he helped Don with his inventions and played video games with Mikey. So, all in all, Raph learned his lesson, and the Hamato family lived happily ever after from now on.

A/N: And, that's the end of that chapter. I couldn't stop laughing as I wrote it. I know it was short, but that's all I could think of. Next, we'll tackle Donatello and his pacifism. Will he give up ninjitsu for good, or will April's intervention help him to see the light? Find out next time. And in the meantime, feel free to leave a review, and have a shelltastic day.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Donatello the Pacifist

A/N: And now we come to Donatello's chapter. I swear, I'm on a roll with this story, and I'm having so much fun with it, too. Thanks to those who have stuck with this so far. Your support of this story means a lot. I don't think Don is a pacifist at all. I think he has too much respect for Splinter to really be a true pacifist, and I think he can be vicious when he needs to be. But for the sake of this story, he's definitely going to be a pacifist. I hope you enjoy it.

Disclaimer: You should know by now that I don't own the TMNT or anyone associated with them. They're owned by Nickelodeon. Let's just hope they don't screw them up.

Donatello was in the dojo with his brothers practicing as always. He really didn't understand why he had to be a ninja. It was barbaric and wrong on all levels. So, that day at practice, Don couldn't take it anymore and immediately stopped sparring with Leo.

"Don, what is it?" Leo asked him.

"I'm sick of this!" he yelled. "I don't want to be a ninja anymore. It's cruel and wrong on so many levels."

"But, my son, this is what you've been trained to do," Splinter protested. "You cannot turn your back on this."

"Well, I am," Don replied. "I'm no longer going to be a ninja. I'm weak and a horrible fighter anyway, and that's because I don't want to do it anymore." And with that, he broke his bo staff in half and tossed it on the ground. Then he turned and walked out of the dojo forever.

Don continued to invent things because that's what he was good at. He also started a campaign to try and make martial arts illegal in all fifty states because he felt it was wrong on all levels. Why should children have to learn about that when they could live in peace with their enemies? He even tried to disband the military because it was sending a bad message to Americans, but that didn't work one bit as the President threw his letter in the trash after he read the first paragraph. Frustrated, Don decided to continue to invent things because he felt that was where his strength was. The problem was that nobody recognized any of his inventions and thought that they were useless and stupid. But Don continued to persevere because that's the way he was.

After going out and getting more parts, Don came home to find his family waiting for him. He was a bit confused and wondered why they would suddenly take notice of him. Since he quit being a ninja his family had pretty much disowned him and pretended that he wasn't even there.

"Guys, what's going on here?" Don asked them.

"We are glad you came home, Donatello," Splinter replied. "Your behavior has been most troubling as of late."

"Why should you care?" Don retorted. "You gave up on me after I quit being a ninja."

"That's the problem, Donnie," Leo told him. "Ever since you gave up ninjitsu, you haven't been yourself lately. We think that maybe if you gave ninjitsu a chance that maybe things would be better for you."

"I won't become a ninja again," Don declared. "It's vile and wrong."

"Donnie, it's who you are," April said softly. "You're a ninja because that's what your family is. You can't turn your back on your family. I know you don't like the idea of fighting, but you have to fight to survive. You're a mutant, and there are people out there who won't understand you. That's why Master Splinter trained you in the martial arts. You can't give up on that, Donnie. It's not right to turn your back on those who love you."

Don looked into April's green eyes and knew she was right. He couldn't turn his back on his family like that. It definitely wasn't the right thing to do.

"You're right, April," he said. "Thank you so much for showing me the way. I love you." He took her hand and was about to kiss her when she drew away.

"Don, what the hell are you doing?" she demanded.

"I'm going to kiss you," he replied. "I love you, April O'Neil. It's a secret I've harbored for a long time, and I can't stand it any longer. Will you marry me?"

"Ew, no!" she cried. "You're like a brother to me, Don, and that would just be wrong."

Don was disheartened by her rejection, but Leo reassured him that there would be someone out there for him some day.

"Yeah, maybe I could always try again with Jhanna," he mused.

But in reality, that never happened. Don continued to have his crush on April and even stalked her a few times, though she never knew it. He even spied on her and Casey quite a few times and plotted on ways to kill the human man so he could have April for himself. He never told his brothers about it though because he knew he'd be forced to endure another intervention, and he didn't want that.

As for being a ninja, Don continued to practice it and found out it wasn't so bad after all. He excelled in his lessons and became happier because of it. He continued to invent things as well, and one day he won the Nobel Prize for one of his awesome inventions. His campaign against martial arts was disbanded, and he made a speech about how important it was that children learn to defend themselves. Needless to say, Donatello's world was finally looking up, and he was happy about it.

A/N: Yeah, I know it was short, but I still had fun with it. Next, we're going to tackle Michelangelo the Misunderstood Turtle. Will Renet's interference help him out, or will he continue to write in his diary about how no one understands him? Find out next time. Feel free to leave a review, and have a shelltastic day.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Michelangelo the Misunderstood

A/N: This chapter has been buzzing in my head since last night, so I thought I'd type it up now and get it over with. Needless to say, this is going to be very hilarious. Thanks to those who have stuck with me on this story. I really appreciate it and hope you enjoy this chapter as well.

Disclaimer: I don't own the TMNT, which is a good thing. If I did, I know they wouldn't let me turn this story into an episode. Nickelodeon owns them.

_Dear Diary,_

_Raph beat me up today. I swear, he does that all the time. He never understands me. No one does anymore. Leo yelled at me for not being serious and goofing off. Why can't he see that having fun isn't a bad thing? Even Donnie won't let me in his lab because he thinks I'll break stuff. I only want to help him out. Why can't he see that? And I know Splinter hates me. I can just tell he does by the way he looks at me. It sucks being the youngest. No one takes me seriously. _

_Maybe I should just kill myself. I'm sure they'd be better off without me in their lives. I cut myself to hide my pain. It feels so good to do it, but maybe dying would be better. I'll have to think about it though. All I know is, I hate being here. I'd better go now. I need to cut myself some more because the pain is too much. Of course, the worst secret slipped out yesterday, and they all condemned me for it, except Donnie. You see, Diary, I'm gay. I don't know why I am, but I am. Of course, they all look down on me for it. Leo keeps preaching that it's wrong because the Bible condemns homosexuality, and Raph keeps calling me that F word used for gays. Even Splinter feels it's a disgrace. But Donnie hasn't said anything. I don't know if it's just a ploy or maybe he doesn't mind. I'll have to ask him. I'd better go now so I can cut myself some more. _

_Love_

_Mikey _

Mikey closed his diary and put it in his secret hiding place. Then he pulled out his razor blade and began to cut himself. It felt so good to let out the pain he'd been feeling. He had numerous scars everywhere from cutting himself, but he didn't care. It was just the best way to end the pain. He watched as the blood pooled out of him. Yes, this was the best way to just mask the pain.

When the blood stopped flowing, Mikey went downstairs to get some pizza to eat. Pizza was the only food he ever cared to eat, and he was afraid his family would poison him if he ate anything else. He saw Raph watching TV and Leo practicing his katas. He avoided them because he didn't want to see their judgmental gazes on him. He ate his pizza and went back up to his room. There was no way he was going to watch TV with Raph there.

He began reading some comic books because that was the only reading material he had left. Then he heard a knock on his door and became confused. Who would be knocking on his door like that?

"Mikey, it's Donnie," the voice said. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Mikey said. He opened the door and let Donnie in. "What's this all about?"

"Well, I know how everyone has been treating you lately, and I don't like it," Don began. "I think it's wrong of them to condemn you for being gay. I know how you feel about all of this, Mikey."

"How would you know, Donnie?" Mikey asked him. "How could you possibly know how it feels to be judged like that?"

Don took a deep breath. "Because I'm gay, too, Mikey," he replied. "In fact, I'm attracted to someone very special to me."

Mikey's eyes lit up. "Really?" he asked. "Who?"

"You, Mikey," Don replied. "I love you dearly, and I can't hold it in anymore."

Mikey gasped. "Don, I can't believe it!" he cried. "I love you, too."

Then they kissed passionately just like in one of those movies. They were so happy together, and Don even spent the night in Mikey's room.

The next day, they announced it to their family and were met by condemnation on all sides, except for Splinter, who congratulated his sons and didn't think it was at all weird that two of his sons loved each other as more than brothers. Mikey and Don got married in Vegas because you can do anything in Vegas these days. Then they rented an apartment together and got jobs at a comic book shop and a high school. Their lives were perfect, and they even had five children because males can also get pregnant and have children.

As for Raph and Leo, things changed for them, too. Leo became the new Pope of the Catholic Church after Benedict died mysteriously. Most claim it was a heart attack, though I personally think it was by poison dart. He tried to make gay marriage illegal around the world but was thwarted by the equal rights supporters. Leo's papacy didn't last long as many of the supporters of the Church felt he was an abomination ad not suited to be the Pope of the Church. So they replaced him with some other senile old dude and left it at that. Leo gave up on it and continued to train in ninjitsu since he found his true calling there.

Raphael just continued to drink and even got into a car accident. Then he learned that a wrestling league wanted him, so he took up that and became a well -known wrestler. The WWE even tried to get him to wrestle for them, and he took them up on that offer. He wrestled for them for a little while until an injury ended his career. Then he became a vegetable and spent his life in a wheelchair. The most that can be said for his wrestling career is that he tried though he never won a title.

So, that's the end, right? Nope. In Null Time, Renet saw everything that was going on and knew they needed her help. So she popped into where Don and Mikey were kissing and immediately interrupted them. Both Turtles were surprised that she was there and wondered what was going on.

"Can you, like, knock it off?" she asked them.

"Why are you here, Renet?" Mikey asked.

"I'm here for an intervention, Mikey," Renet replied. "Things are so not going well here, and Lord Simultaneous wants me to fix it."

"What's wrong?" Don asked her.

"What's wrong?" Renet repeated. "You really have to ask that? You're, like, getting it on with your brother. That is so gross and totally wrong."

"Hey, we love each other!" Mikey protested.

"Yeah, but you're brothers," Renet replied, wrinkling her nose. "There's, like, no build up to this attraction. You guys are just experimenting and nothing more. You don't really love each other this way."

"But we do," Don insisted. "I've had feelings for Mikey for a long time."

Renet shook her head and sighed. "Donnie, sweetie, you only think you do," she corrected him. "There's been, like, this shift in time that is totally messing with the natural order of things. My job is to make it better. So, Mikey, you're not suicidal or gay or attracted to Donnie. You're just a fun loving and carefree Turtle. And your brothers and father don't hate you and love you very much in a totally platonic and family way. I'd better fix this before it gets worse." She waved the Time Scepter and everything changed. The Turtles were back in their Lair where they were before.

Mikey looked at his arms and found he had no scars from cutting himself. He did have his diary, but the entry was about what he did during the day and not about how his family hated him for being gay or misunderstood him. Raph greeted Mikey cordially and didn't beat him up for no reason. Leo smiled at Mikey and even asked him to cook a meal for them to eat. Splinter smiled at his youngest son and praised him for the good practice he'd had the other day. And Don didn't confess of his romantic love for Mikey and even let him help with one of his inventions.

"Phew, I'm glad that's over," Renet said. "I swear, sometimes these time shifts can be very tricky." Then she disappeared to let the Hamato family live in peace without any interference from crazy time shifts.

A/N: So, what did you think of it? I loved writing this and just couldn't stop laughing as I did. Next up will be Splinter the Uncaring Father. Can the Daimyo intervene on his behalf, or will he ocntinue to hate his sons forever? Find out next time, and feel free to leave a review after you've finished reading. I know I've probably offended fans of Turtlecest and even some Catholics, too. I want to assure you that nothing in this chapter is meant to offend anyone. It's all in good fun, and that's it. If I have offended anyone, it's totally unintentional. Have a shelltastic day.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Splinter the Absentee Father

A/N: Yep, I know it's been a while since I've updated this story, but the discussion on Stealthy Stories about Story Turn-Offs prompted me to get back to this. Now this chapter will be the last one set in the 2003 universe and future chapters will deal with the Nickelodeon universe because I just love playing with them. I want to thank those who have read and reviewed thus far. Your kind words have been awesome. And now we turn to Master Splinter and his intervention.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot to this story.

Master Splinter was doing his best to meditate, but he was having a hard time thanks to those bothersome sons of his. Seriously, why did he ever adopt them in the first place? They were just a waste of space in his life. Leonardo and Raphael constantly argued, Michelangelo acted like a cowardly baby, and Donatello spent too much time in that accursed lab of his. And now it was more of the same. He could hear his older sons bickering, his youngest crying and probably cutting himself since that's all he tended to do, and he figured Donatello was in that lab of his doing something evil.

Suddenly, he heard a commotion and then the plaintive cries of Raphael sobbing, "Leo, I'm so sorry. Please don't die on me!"

He heard Michelangelo joining in on the wailing and then heard Donatello try to revive their brother as Michelangelo begged him to make Leonardo better. Any other parent would have rushed to see what the commotion was about, but Splinter did nothing at all because he couldn't be bothered to. He closed his eyes and continued his meditation.

Then a portal appeared, and Splinter was angry. Why couldn't anyone leave him in peace? Then he saw that the Daimyo of the Battle Nexus was in his room. What did he want?

"Splinter-san, I have come on urgent business," the Daimyo said.

"It is good to see you, old friend, but what are you here about?" Splinter asked.

"I have noticed while watching the activities of you and your sons that you appear to be absent from their lives," he replied. "You simply sit in this room and meditate while all chaos goes on around you and ignore your sons. This is not you, Splinter-san, and it needs to be addressed."

"You know, I have been feeling different lately," Splinter said. "I do not know what it is, but there are times where I just do not want to have anything to do with my sons and their activities. I have tried many times to correct this, but I cannot. Why is it that I am like this, Daimyo?"

"I believe it has to do with human error," the Daimyo replied. "You see, many humans write stories about you and your sons, and many times they have no idea how to incorporate you within the story, so they normally just have you off meditating and not caring one bit about anything that goes on around your home. Other stories have depicted you getting killed off because they don't know what to do with you and figure that killing you off will be sufficient enough."

"And you believe that this is one of those instances?" Splinter inquired.

The Daimyo nodded. "Yes, I do, but I can fix the problem. Right now, Raphael has killed Leonardo in a rage, and Donatello is trying to revive him, though nothing is working. Michelangelo is an emotional wreck ad continues to harm himself because of it. But with my war staff, I can help right this wrong and make everything right again."

"Please do this, Daimyo," Splinter begged. "I cannot bear this any longer."

The Daimyo nodded and waved his war staff around. A blue light enveloped Splinter's quarters and soon he found himself alone. He heard his sons bickering again, but this time he came out to see what the trouble was.

"I had the remote first, Leo," Raph complained. "You can't watch TV now. There's a hockey game on."

"I just want to check the Weather Channel to see what the weather's going to be like," Leo replied. "It won't take me that long."

"No, you can't," Raph said and held the remote out of reach of his brother.

"Hey, give it back, Raph!" Leo commanded.

"Make me," Raph taunted.

"My sons, what is the meaning of this?" Splinter demanded.

"Leo wants to hog the remote so I don't get to watch the game," Raph complained.

"I just wanted to check the weather, Sensei," Leo responded. "I was going to give it back to Raph afterwards."

Splinter sighed. Sometimes his sons could be aggravating. "Since the both of you cannot come to an agreement on this, you are both grounded from TV for the evening," he declared. "Perhaps that will teach you to be more considerate of each other."

The two Turtles weren't happy about it, but they bowed to their father and went to their respective rooms. Splinter sighed in relief knowing that at least the argument hadn't resulted in bloodshed or death. He saw Mikey come into the room with Klunk in his arms, not a scar visible on his body.

"Hey, Sensei, were Leo and Raph duking it out again?" he asked his father.

"Yes, but I have resolved the matter," Splinter replied.

"That's good," Mikey said with relief. "Hey, maybe you cold coax Donnie out of his lab so he can watch TV with me."

"You don't have to worry, Mikey, I'm way ahead of you," said Donnie as he came out of his lab. "I was going to take a break anyway and watch some TV."

"Well, now that Leo and Raph are banned from it, we can have the TV to ourselves," Mikey said happily. "You know, Sensei, I don't know what we would do without you."

"I also do not know what you would do without me, my sons," Splinter replied. He wasn't going to tell his sons what had happened and how the Daimyo had fixed it. He figured it was best to keep what happened a secret and pretend that everything was all right. With that settled, he sat down with his sons and watched some cartoons, happy that everything had been set right and hoping that nothing like that would ever happen again.

A/N: Yeah, I know, these chapters are still short. I'm going to try and make them longer in the future. Please feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: To Whom It May Concern

A/N: And here's another parody chapter. This one will be parodying some of the "Dear Fan Fiction Authors" that I've seen in countless fandoms. Yes, I realize they are meant to be in jest, but I do feel that perhaps instead of having the characters write letters about what they don't like, you could write parodies about some of the things you see in fan fiction, like what I'm doing right now. I'm sorry if that has offended people, but that's how I feel about it. If you want to write that stuff, feel free, but it just doesn't have the same ring to it as a full on parody. Yeah, I'm probably going to get flack for it, but whatever. That's my point of view on it. And so, here's another parody that takes place in the Nick universe as all other future stories will take pace there, too.

Disclaimer: TMNT belongs to Nickelodeon. I only own the plot.

To Whom It May Concern,

I really am concerned with how I'm being portrayed in your stories. One thing that bothers me is when you portray me as a leader with a stick up his ass. You act like I don't know how to have fun or that I don't want to have fun, which isn't true at all. I have lots of fun with my brothers like when we go skateboarding or when we take the Shellraiser out for a joyride. I'm not all about training and meditating, either. Yes, I do both, but I also watch TV with my brothers and play the arcade games we have in our Lair. So, I definitely not a stick in the mud as you people tend to portray me as.

Also, what's the deal with me and Raph hating each other? Yeah, we get in fights sometimes, but we always make up and forgive each other. We don't totally hate each other's guts. Raph has said it to me a few times, and while it has hurt my feelings, he has always apologized about it afterward. I want to ask you a few simple questions: Do you have siblings? Do you get in fights with your siblings? Okay, if you do and you have, have you ever refused to make up to your siblings and vowed to hate them for the rest of your life? If the answer is no, then why do you act like Raph and I hate each other? It just doesn't make sense at all. Please refrain from doing this in the future because I hate how you guys portray me and my brothers.

Another thing I hate is that people tend to act like Raph wants my leadership position and we fight over that. Let me tell you that Raph has no intention of taking away my leadership position or wanting it. He has had to take my place a few times when I've been ill, and he hated every minute of it. He has a healthy respect for my leadership role, even if he doesn't agree with my decisions sometimes. So, rest assured, he will never try to take away the role that Splinter rightfully gave to me.

In conclusion, I just wish you guys would stop with all of these stereotypes. They aren't healthy, and they aren't who we are. To tell you the truth, I hate fan fiction and only read some because Mikey dared me to, and you can't refuse a dare no matter what.

Sincerely,

Hamato Leonardo.

22222

To Whom It May Concern,

What's the deal with me hating Leo? I don't hate Leo. He's my best friend. I think you guys do this because you want drama, and so you make it so that Leo and I hate each other's guts and want to kill each other. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I would never hurt Leo on purpose or try and kill him. We may get in fights, but at the end of the day, he's my brother, and I'll always love him. I don't want his leadership position and will only take it if I have to. Believe me I know it wouldn't work if I was the leader. Been there, done that. So, just stop that, okay?

And what's up with me being an alcoholic? I'm not that type of turtle at all. Okay, I snuck into Splinter's room and took some of his sake because I was curious, but that was one time and I got my shell handed to me for it. So there's no way in hell I'd try that again. Besides, I'm not of legal drinking age, and even if I did drink beer, I'd know when to stop. Seriously, do you guys have anything better to do than to ruin our characters? I also don't smoke. I tried that once, and it was disgusting, so I never went back. Sure, I was curious, but even I know that it would be detrimental to my well-being as a ninja.

I'm also not a psychopath who loses his temper at the drop of a hat and beats up his brothers for just saying something simple. Yeah, I do have a temper at times, but I've learned how to control it and I'm not gonna hit my brothers for merely saying hi to me in the hallway or anything like that. Once again, you guys really need to get your perspectives straight.

Um, that's all I can think of now. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go have sex with Slash now. Wait, that was a joke! Don't you dare write about that! Ah, crud, too late. Me and my big mouth.

Peace out,

Raph

22222

To Whom It May Concern,

Thanks to Mikey, I've been reading some stories about us, and I don't like what I see. Why is it that people assume I'm gay because I wear purple? Don't you guys realize that I'm straight? I have a crush on April for crying out loud. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against anyone being gay or anything like that, but I don't like how people assume I'm gay because I wear purple even though I've been portrayed as being straight.

And what's the deal with me being a pacifist and refusing to fight? That's not me at all. I'm a ninja, and I'll fight to protect my family and friends no matter what. Yet you people continue to act as though I'm afraid of fighting or that I hate it and don't want to do it. Please, stop with this nonsense right now. It's just not right.

And I also don't appreciate being labeled as a stalker or being portrayed that I'm going to kill Casey Jones. Yes, I'm a little jealous of him, but I would never harm him in any way. Okay, so maybe I've thought about it a few times, but I would never go through with it. Yeah, I think I just said too much here. Moving on.

Another thing I don't like is the stories that portray us as falling in love with each other and having babies. It is scientifically impossible for either of these things to happen to us. Yes, we do live in the sewers alone, but that doesn't mean that I'm going to suddenly have the hots for Mikey and want to have sex with him. No way. He's my brother, and that's just wrong. And the babies thing is also wrong because we're males. We can't lay eggs. So stop trying to portray us as being able to do this when we can't.

Look, I know you guys want to be creative, and far be it from me to say you can't be, but there are some limits to said creativity, and I think that you need to learn what those are and abide by the facts . That's all I'm going to ask of any of you.

Respectfully yours,

Hamato Donatello.

22222

To Whom It May Concern,

Man, what the heck are you guys smoking? I'm really sick of people acting like my happy attitude is a mask I carry to hide my real pain. Uh, it's not. I'm a genuinely happy dude and try to see the good side to everything. Yeah, I get mad sometimes and even sad, but I don't cut myself or threaten to kill myself because no one understands me. My bros understand me just fine. Sure, sometimes they don't listen to me, but I'm not gonna cut myself or kill myself over it. That's just wrong and a dumb thing to do. Family means everything to me, and I'd never leave them no matter what.

And I'm sick of people acting like I have the IQ of a five year old. Sure, I do have a short attention span, but I'm not a total idiot. And I'm sick of people acting like I'm a cowardly baby who gets scared at the least little thing. I do have my fears, but I'm not gonna run away from every little thing I see. And my bros don't pick on me that much either. Sure, we tease each other and play jokes on each other, but they don't bully me to the point where they hate me or anything. They love me for who I am, and that's all that matters. I'm also a pretty competent ninja, and it seems to me that people are continuing to act like I can't do anything right when it's been shown that I'm just as capable as my brothers when it comes to fighting.

So, please, stop all these stereotypes and clichéd fan fictions. They're just not cool.

Love and pizza,

Mikey

A/N: And that's the end of that little chapter. I'm probably going to get a lot of flack for this, but I just had to. Seriously, get a sense of humor as this is meant to be all in good fun. I know I didn't do all of the stereotypes, but I tried to do all I could think of. Others will be done as the story progresses. So feel free to leave a review and have a shelltastic day.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Roleplay With Me

A/N: Hey, here's another chapter parodying another thing I really hate: Roleplaying and using it as a story device. No, I don't mean roleplaying on a forum or something like that because I've done that myself. I'm talking about when authors come on FF and leave a bio sheet for people to fill out so they can get characters for their story. So, here's my parody to that. It may not be that long, so I'm just warning you about it. Thanks to those who have read and reviewed thus far. Your kind words have been awesome.

Disclaimer: TMNT and all related characters are property of Nickelodeon. I only own the plot of this story.

Hello, I'm going to be doing a story, and I want all of you to put up characters for me to use because I'm not creative enough to do it on my own. I'm going to leave a bio sheet for you to use, so just review and give me your character since I can't make one up on my own despite having a brain. Maybe I just lack imagination or something. Anyway, here's the bio sheet:

Name:

Species:

Age:

Gender:

Hair Color:

Eye Color:

Hobbies (What do they like to do?):

Strengths:

Weaknesses:

History (Tell me about your character):

So, that's the bio sheet I've come up with. Remember to leave a review and fill it out so that I can use it in the story. This will really help out because I just can't think of any characters to use on my own, so I want you guys to do it because I'm just super lazy and don't want to do it on my own. Thanks a million!

A/N: Yeah, that was super short like I said, but you get the gist of it, right? Seriously, these types of things just irk the hell out of me. Feel free to leave a review, and have a shelltastic day.


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